Noun
Extreme tiredness, typically resulting from mental or physical exertion or illness.
Extreme tiredness is the definition of fatigue. The dictionary makes it seems so simple when in fact fatigue is a complex creature. Before I became sick I was tired. I am a mother and spent many months waking up with 2 beautiful babies. Every human being has felt exhausted. Long days at work, crazy vacations, living life to the fullest can be exhausting. We all go home at the end of a long day and say "That was the longest day ever! I am SO tired!"
But I never understood what fatigue meant until I was sick. I have family and friends with chronic illnesses. I am ashamed to say I had NO idea what they were going through on bad days. Fatigue is not just extreme tiredness. It is so much more than that. Fatigue means I have to decide if it is worth it to put on makeup, sweep the floor or carry laundry up and down a flight of stairs. Fatigue means even on my good days I am still learning to discipline myself to not overdo it.
Fatigue means sitting at my son's baseball game and being so overwhelmed that I watch a inning. Then I sleep in my car for a few innings while my family enjoys the whole game. I wake up for the last few innings and feel mom guilt over the part I missed. Fatigue means missing out on jumping on the trampoline with my kids. Fatigue means I could sleep anywhere at anytime. I feel I could snooze in a room full of screaming kids. I could lay down on the dirtiest floor and not even feel disgusted because the need to just lay down and close my eyes is all consuming. Fatigue means the task of heating up a bowl of Ramen noodles seem like too much work.
But even though fatigue has taken so much it also has given back. Fatigue tells my body to slow down. To stop and smell the roses. Fatigue has given me wonderful conversations with my kids as I lay in bed and ask them to tell me a story. Fatigue has given me a deep appreciation for the good old days of endless energy, long workouts, late nights and running a half marathon with my husband. Fatigue has given me the ability to let the dishes wait, to read one more chapter in a book or to snuggle more with my love while watching a movie. Fatigue has taught me to sit back and observe life as it happens instead of rushing through it day by day. Fatigue is teaching me to let go. To let go of control, let go of stress, let go of guilt.
With every negative there is a positive it is just up to you to search within and find it. So what can fatigue do for you? |
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